And that is what you believe, i am not going to treat you like a victim of anything as you are the consequence for beliefs and thinking which stem from a young age out of resentment for your past,
That belief that are powerless to do anything for yourself , where does that come from?
You took accountability over yourself by owning it, if you really did want to change you wouldn’t be calling people the n word nor choosing that word to represent yourself in your name or titles of your anime, if your really serious about changing, change that first why don’t you.