How do you say "I want to die?"
Like, it's, it's pretty fucking simple
I can't do out the words to my parents, I can't spit them out to my therapist
Fuck, I can scream them at school.
To my friends I basically preach about my want for death.
And they pretty much do the same back. As if nothing we're saying has any meaning, but it does to me.
Why, why can I not just...say it to those people that could actually fucking do something about it?
"Too afraid of change?" Oh, go fuck yourself
I'm trying to change.
It's not that im afraid, it's that I've fucking given up, at this point
Yesterday, it's asking my therapist for pills for my anxiety
Next month, it'll be pills for depression
Then I'll ask, "got anything to make me want to stay alive?"
But, no, no I won't.
Why won't I?
Hell, maybe I am afraid of change, maybe I'm not, but one thing is for certain
There is...something seriously, really fucking wrong with me, and I don't know the exact reason why
"Excuses, excuses, you're just a teenager",
IS EVERY FUCKING PERSON ON THIS STUPID PLANET THE SAME TO YOU??
No, I don't believe in god.
No, I don't love myself, I don't even fucking like myself
I HATE myself.
And slowly, everyone else is starting to, too
"Change"
Love, I can't change
People don't fucking change, we revert back to our old ways when it comes down to it
In a split moment of danger or stress, we show our true colours.
I'm just a bitch.
That girl who fucking hates everyone.
You know, I am what they say.
They say it's true, so, hell, maybe it fucking is.
I'm fine sometimes.
Other time, I'll cuss out everyone without reason, even my own goddamn friends.
I'm so fucking tired, I seriously just want to go..
I want to fall asleep and peacefully go
I don't want anyone to cry, I don't want anyone to be sad
I just want them to act like I never existed and move on
But you can't, can you?
Of course you can't...because I guess maybe I am better than I think.
And every vent, every complain about me hating me life is like mype insulting people who love me and that i love.
But I'm not.
I love you all, and this has nothing to do with you.
The problem is me.
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