School life is exhausting..

There's so many things that out of my control
I always think everything will go smoothly if i prepared some plans, but everything always end up messy
I suffer because of my own expectations
And i don't know how to stop it
School just give me more thoughts and anxiety
I don't know what makes school fun, so i always run from my reality to get rid of bad thoughts
But that didn't make my problems gone, i just can't face it, i need help, but i can't help myself to say it to anyone
I hate myself so much, but i haven't change at all.. and i don't even know why
I'm so scared i will ruin my own life, i don't have anyone to help me
I always be the people pleaser person. I don't want let anyone down, i don't want them to leave me, i can't stand for myself

I barely see a good future of myself, why don't i have any courage to change myself to be better? isn't that what i want? so why..

I just want a long break from school, i'm exhausted, i mentally unprepared to continue

(Hey thank you if you read this 'til the end, i just.. don't know where is a better place to vent than animemaker haha-)