weeee

so um, rq
i would like to
just kinda explode about the past few weeks
just bc it was ‘fun’ and i havent had anyone to talk to the entire time
dont bother reading any of this🥰

so, i havent been able to talk to any of my people but 2-3 times since school ended, and the few times i have, my mother feels this need to get on my ass about stuff that didnt even make sense. she would start yelling at me and to long after whoever i was talking to would hang up bc they get awkward. i havent even been out of the house for anything other than driving my mom or stepdad to the store, and i feel like im gonna explode if i dont speak to s o m e o n e.
(so im glad to be back for a bit)

and apparently, im not only a ‘fvcking psycho with no emotion’ to my mother, but her and my stepfather were yellinngat me for ‘always bringing everyone else down’
so that felt real nice

also those two believe that threatening me is going to lift my mood. like, they say something sh!tty or yell at em for nothing, and then when im not in the best mood afterward they act like i have no reason to be down. like
you JUST got done telling me theres something wrong with me, how tf do you expect me to be laughing and playing around now?

yesterday sucked. i was already on the berge of tears when i woke up and i dont even know why, and then the second i managed to roll myself out of bed at around 2pm, i was already expected to have been working on my chores and have them done, even though we didnt even have the cleaning supplies for me to finish them then. and when i tried to explain that to them, i had a tired tone to my voice bc i was fvcking exhausted. not an attitude, not a hostile tone, just tired. but they took it as backtalk, and i got yelled at even more, which just made the need to cry even worse. then inhad to make dinner for everyone, which i didnt eat. got yelled at for that, too. they’ve threatened multiple times to send me to therapy, which at this point, i kinda wish they would so i can go spill this sh!t they say to a professional. or just not talk at all to spite them, havent figured that out yet. but they still havent, bc they don’t actually give a sh!t enough to go through that trouble. lol

my partner left to canada. theyre there now, and theyre not sure if theyre coming back or not. my mom said if theyre still going to this school next year, i wont be going. ill either be going to homeschool or the school my dad lives near. they said theres a possibility that they may come back to be closer to me, but theyd be staying homeschooled for my sake, and the fact they want to homeschool anyway.

which, none of that might mayyer pretty soon. theres a possibility that i may be moving soon, and since my dad doesnt want me here anymore, i would have to move wherever my mom moves, instead of staying with him. thats not certain yet though

ive been having more trouble than usual making myself get out of bed in the morning. it feels like theres weight on my body and lungs when i try to get up, and i have even less motivation. idk if its stress or something, but its fine.

also my stepdad is getting rid of every tv at my moms house bc we apparently need to ‘start being kids’ and ‘get out of the house’, even though we never go anywhere. so that makes even less for me to do while im there, and its getting to a point that i dont even enjoy drawing anymore bc thats all ive had to do.

but, on a good note, i picked up photography! i actually got a good camera(i didnt, my mom did, she lets me use it as an excuse to shove me outside for hours), like a $2-300 one. its real nice
ive gotten pretty decent at taking photos, they actually look. alright
so thats something i may get invested in
but she doesnt let me use it very often, so idk

anyway

10 months ago 16 views 1 frames

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