I'm not in a horrible position, I would never attempt suicide again (for now), but it's a thought that lingers in my mind. When I am mildly inconvenienced, I want to kill myself just to prove a point.

My life is going great, I have a career path almost ready and set up, and I still think what would happen if I died today, or tomorrow.

when people ask me why i'm failing I tell them I don't care about my grades. It's partially true, but the main reason is I never saw an actual future for myself. I tell my friends i'm not actively suicidal. It doesn't mean I don't want to kill myself anymore. I think about it, but I don't have to kill myself. Everyday, i think about it, but my friend is already experiencing grief. My empathy expands enough that I won't kill myself

I hate the education system, i hate the gifted and talented label, i hate not being able to learn

not to bring up "i'm technically in special education" but i choose to be in AP because it was the only one that fit my standards somewhat. I need to be challanged, debated on
All those other types of classes, AP was the only one that felt challenging enough