3am.
Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if nothing ever happened? If I never had a phone.. if I never randomly downloaded anime maker
If I randomly didn't comment on my favorite YouTubers video? I wouldn't have the friends I have today but would I have other friends? Better friends?.. I'm not happy with my life. I don't think I'll ever be. This isn't the life I want
If there really are infinite universes am I truly happy in one of them? I might be dead. I've thought about it many times and I think in one (or more) of these universes I'm dead. Maybe in one of them I'm actually happy. Who knows.. maybe this is one of those 'happy' words and I just don't know
I don't know. I never will. Sometimes I don't wanna know and sometimes I do. Sometimes I know and I don't want to know and sometimes I don't know and I want to know. Confusing right? My whole life I've been confused
I don't know what to do with my life. Sometimes it scares me. Most kids my age know what they wanna do in the future but here I am writing this knowing nothing about anything. It scares me. Is there even a future? Will I live another day? Will I die tomorrow or will I keep living in fear till I'm old? Who knows.. maybe god? I don't even wanna get started on god.. I just hope he's as good as people say he is
I hope he's real.. but if he was.. wouldn't suffering be less? We're here living our whole lives saying that this 'thing' is amazing he made us he made everything
Then why isn't he helping us now? I don't know. I may never know but.. I don't even know what I'm saying at this point
Someone kill me before I go too far.. I am already too far.
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