Why must I do this to myselfff
Doing a rant here cuz I can you don't gotta read i just dunno where to put this
So if anyone knows, me and someone named Marcus used to date. My mother knew about this and kept an eye on me to make sure I was dating a good person. Sure enough, she later forces me to break up with him because he fucked my mental health up bad. He did some things im not going to say because I don't need anyone harassing and it just makes me uncomfy to talk about. But it really fucked me up. After that I felt somewhat free because I finally didn't have to worry about shit, right? Well fuck my life I was so emotionally attached to this fucker I, despite my mother's wishes, kept contacting him because I missed him and all of that stuff. Got me grounded twice and I learned now that it won't do anything but make it worse. I'm trying to move on it's just rly hard. Even if he screwed over my life a bit, I'd still go running back like a desperate dog just wanting attention. I feel the reason is because he just was obsessed with me in a way. And I loved that feeling. The feeling of someone loving you with every fiber of their being and would do almost anything for you. That pulled me in to the dark rabbit hole that I later struggled to get out of. Never doing that again
Earlier just found out he is moving on and had a crush on someone else. Immediately when I saw that post I just felt so angry. That's so selfish of me and I hate myself for it, why am I upset at someone moving on?? I was hoping we could restart in the future but that obviously won't fucking happen. I just wish he never came into my life. None of this bullshit would've happened to me if I never would've started dating him. I seriously dunno how to fully move on with anything. Hell, I'm still not fully over my first ex. Sure I don't miss him that much anymore but I still yern for him from time to time. Aughh I hate this I fucking hate dating, people just always gotta ruin this shit for me. Why do I always get people that destroy my health dude I hate it. If my gf breaks up with me I think I'm just gonna either take a break from dating anyone or just not date at all because this shit is exhausting.
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