it’s not like Zimick will ever read what i have to say for him now, but maybe if he does find my stupid ass he will read this and feel a little bit better.

im so sorry, you never should of came into contact with a shit hole like me, once more i have pushed away the one person who made me feel less lonely for some stupid drama over my parent’s fucking fault that never was mine.

i hope that out somewhere, far away from me, you have forgotten about me completely, and that you never consider hurting yourself over me, i don’t deserve someone as caring and compassionate as you which is why you left me.

im an asshole for leaving you in the dark like that and i promise to you i will forever regret that decision i made, my stupid underdeveloped mind led me to a stupid decision i will probably hurt myself over, for real this time.

im sorry for all the bullshit, im sorry for all the silence, im sorry for the love i never fully gave you, im sorry for all those times you felt awkward around me because i gave too much shit about myself to see you were being hurt, im sorry for the way i am, and im sorry that somewhere in the back of your head the memory of stupid ass little 13 old me feeds off your mind like a tumor.

i fully see what i was now, a parasite who drank your time until you were crying on the floor with tears rolling down your eyes, i led you to think i was gone, multiple fucking times, and now i can never fix this fuck up that i gave to you on a silver platter.

i even feel that my own Lord Jesus will take this rudely upon me, and i won’t fight back to him because i deserve what punishment i will receive when i die, i deserve to be stabbed until death by you and i don’t care how much it will hurt me, all that i care about is that you will no longer be around me and that you will finally feel happy knowing that i am gone for good.

i have never thought of death so much ever in the time that i have been alive, and i hope that in some universe i get left on a towel or get aborted or be left to die due to infection so you will never ever have to meet me.

tears roll down my face as i type this and my heart feels weak in my chest, so for this one last hurrah i have for you i want to say this.

i love you Zimick, and im sorry you can’t love me back now.

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