Okay…

Thanks again Evan for sending me Zimick’s messages, it means alot that you still give a shit about me enough to do this for me, you are a good friend.

So, i still can’t believe that you still care about me enough to still talk to me… i really fell into a bad place when i saw how much i hurt you, i hurt myself more then i used to and i had these horrible horrible thoughts about snapping and hurting other people even if i didn’t want to. Throughout the years of us being together were the best years of my life so far, you gave me this feeling like im going to be okay and that im going to do good in life. You have this light inside of you that heals people Zimick, i stopped hurting myself as much and i started on so many things, im a Blue belt in Taekwondo now and i’ve grown as an artists and i write stories and i make people laugh and the only person i can point to that gave me this strength to do these things is you. Im still sorry that i lashed out at you like that and it hurt me even more when i read what i said to you because i can’t even remember typing the fucking thing, i was such an asshole when i was younger and i can’t even see myself in my 13th year because of how rude and inconsiderate i was. Im getting off track here sorry, i really did like you Zimick, never did i talk about you badly or think mean things about you, the only reason i was scared to reach out was because of my religion and i feel stupid now thinking about it because i did love you, i felt scared to say it because i thought everyone would judge me because i’ve never been in a relationship before. The last romantic partner i tried to have a relationship with cheated on me and i thought it was my fault. I thank you for letting me be apart of your life and let me share experiences with you, the only reason i came back to this ass wipe of a art program was for you, and every second i was off of this app i didn’t stop thinking about you. I didn’t think you cared about me this much so when i read that you cried when i hurt myself broke me, and it makes me so happy to see that you’ve moved on and continue to be the person that you are, that i know. I was never bothered by the way you spoke to me or the way you acted around me because you tolerated the way i acted around you and the way i spoke to you, even if i was my shitty 13 year old self you stuck around for me and i am forever in your debt because of that. Now that i am older and i can tell if what im doing is shitty or not, i can see now what i should and shouldn’t do.
I’ve always loved you Zimick and i still see you for who you are and for how caring and loving you are. You aren’t weird, you aren’t rude, you don’t make me feel uncomfortable and you never have made me feel uncomfortable, i always have felt good feelings when i was talking with you and i still am as of typing this, but i feel like the best thing to do right now is to step back before i reintroduce myself into your life. Im going to tie down some things and make sure everything is okay on my side before i do anything, and i am 100% going to make sure i am able to talk to you even if it means pissing off my father by downloading Discord, the chance to talk to you again means far more to me then what my Dad says. I hope i can still be a good friend to you, and i promise i will try my best to make sure that this stays, thank you for giving me the opportunity to do this. -Roman

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6 months ago 17 views 1 frames 1 Like