Update.
Zimick decided that he wanted to share his thoughts to this platform and what heās been through for the past 3 years so, im going to do the same to tie some loose ends.
Life feels like itās been flying by, just a few seconds ago it was 12 and i was sitting down drinking some water and 3 minutes later itās 6:30 and im sitting down to write this jumble of words i need to get out. For the past few years life was good for me, i got good grades and made plenty of friends but recently it seems like im fucking myself out of these things because of the actions i try to take, i had this huge friend group in middle school where everyone knew and likes eachother and we would all sit down and throw carrots and assholes who walked by and called my friends fags or morons, and now its dropped to a handful of people that still somehow want to talk to me. Fuck dude the day that i came back to this platform i was so sick in the head, i had these moments where when i felt angry i envisioned myself doing these horrible things to the person that aggravated me, this entire scene would play out in my head and no matter how hard i tried to push it out of my mind it still kept playing. I was on the brink of battery and violence and the thought of what i wrote to Zimick before he left made my heart sick. I cannot count how many times i looked in the mirror and couldnāt see the person that i was, i looked like a stranger to myself and it didnāt help with the sudden drop from kid to teenager with my lanky ass limbs and my height, my body felt unknown to me for a while. And every time my parents would argue, my Mom is upset from what bullshit my Dad tries to do to get back on her, or my Dad is on the chair freaking out because he is drowning in debt, i would go to the bathroom and pick at my arms and my chest until i started to bleed, like really really bleed. One time i even punched myself in the nose and bled all over the sink which i had to wipe up so that my Dad wouldnāt know that i was hurting myself in there. I feel like i am in this game of tug of war and im the rope, and i started to break. And funny enough, Zimick was the one person in my life who actually cared for me, he made me feel wanted and safe and when i saw him i felt like things were going to be okay. This hardened the blow of what Zimick wrote for me before he left because that wasnāt just a random joe shmoe who wrote that out for me, that was my friend, and it killed me inside to read what he wrote for me. I didnāt even need to be there in person to see the emotion behind his words, i felt the anger and the confusion and the disbelief behind his words and it tore me apart. And even after all of that bullshit i put him through he came back to this shithole for me, and i canāt even figure out why. Right now im just caught in this funk ass roller coaster and Zimick is the only person thats preventing me from throwing up, but even through the yelling and the arguments and the rude comments that i get from time to time at school im ready to act my age and be a fucking 15 year old for once, for Zimick.
5 months ago 18 views 1 frames 4 Like
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