something i noticed as a listener (MAYBE A VENT omg a vent post from fbw since 2 million years)
idk if im supposed to be a listener
whenever i talk to people i have to overexaggerate my emotions all the time or else id sound uninterested or ingenuine
i do care but i cant feel any shock, sadness, happiness, and excitement to support my reactions
this might be another reason why im terrible at comforting people that vent
i just tell them what to do and dont do
what to think and not think
and thats it
idk why they say i should be a psychologist
the fact that i have to overreact is also why i find it difficult to talk to people especially the ones that are too caught up with their own thoughts
an example is one student in my school who happened to be my friend (no hate to her tho)
everytime i talk to her i feel like im being fake to both myself and her
i dont even get the chance to enjoy our conversations since whenever i start sharing my own thoughts she outright ignores it
she doesnt even give me a single comment or reaction
i have to stay put as a listener and everytime i talk to her i feel like its work
even though half of my friends dont act like theyre talking to wall, its mostly just because most of their conversations(??) are just repeated inside jokes to tease eachother
like actually repeated to the point where i dont find it funny anymore
literally all they say are phrases and gifs
then i have to act like shit is funny just so i could join in (and theyre mostly just sex jokes cuz 🤷)
ive been tolerating them though so thats why i dont realllly complain about people who does this
it really feels like work for me to communicate nowadays
i also noticed for the past few months ive been genuinely angry at both myself and my (even my closest) friends
they dont know im pissed off at them because why would i walk up to that one friend and go “you know ive been mad at you for a month now”
im just waiting for my shell to straight up break infront of their faces
i think in the future i might just end up like my dad
hes the type of person that everytime you go to a mall he always stumble upon a friend or two
but even though he has a bunch of friends he tells me this “i have a lot of friends, maybe a 100 even, but out of all of these 100 people i feel like i only have one close friend”
fortunately a handful of friends dont act like this so i havent given up in talking to people
4 months ago 19 views 1 frames
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