I tried cutting myself a few minutes ago

I went light on myself, i used the edge of the clip on my lanyard to press into my skin and try to break it. Im shocked i have the strength now to try and seriously injure myself after everything thats happened.

But then again, everyone i knew on here and back in 2019 are gone. Still single cause i think people will be afraid of my scars and think of me as some sort of maniac. I can’t be bothered to stop picking my skin. And i think that my Dad looks down on me.

Some of the people im still friends with i rarely ever see in person or i only know online, and even if i could reach out to one of my crushes at school i know she wouldn’t want me, after all who would want some moron who can’t stop hurting himself.

I feel like a rock at the bottom of a lake, i refuse to be pried free and venture with the waves, i simply just sit there and feel the crushing pressure of the water compress my confidence in.

I lied about being strong and being a confident person, i admit im weak and clingy and fear that other people will leave me if i don’t act a certain way. The memories i have of arguing with Zimick and us leaving eachother still haunt me like ghosts, and i fear the same thing might happen again if im not careful.

Im so tired of bottling up my emotions and acting like everything is fine all the time, and deep down i guess the reason im telling this to you is probably because i want you to feel bad for me so i fill this hole in my stomach because im clingy.

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