Well because I’m a fool to my own hubris I read my old posts.

I hate myself. I’m a bipolar goofy bitch who’s an attention seeking whore. I can’t go five minutes without requiring some form of affection and it clearly shows. And back then it was even worse.

I just got done being groomed and I was starving for love. I wanted friends, I wanted someone to love me. Not like a friend like something more. But I was selfish, I was starving for love, adoration anything I could get my hands on. So I was manipulative, I was attention seeking. I cried all the time and cried wolf whenever I did so people would talk to me and show me love. I hate myself for that. I hate myself for even trying to appear like I was loveable. What the fuck was I doing? Why did I desire so much affection to begin with. And whenever I was faced with it, I recoiled. Because I was scared, I wanted pleasure I wanted the feeling of being loved for me. But because I sexualized myself, because that’s the environment I got my first love out of, I ended up getting the opposite.

That’s how I met Simp, yes I finally remembered her name. Is she still on here? Lord knows, but we dated. For a week max. Because Y’know why? I told her I wanted all this stuff, and I guess to her since I was trans and I guess masculine. She thought calling me DADDY would get me off. Which news flash, that gives me a trauma response. It didn’t last. But it proves to me I cannot handle people like that. It shows I was a selfish, annoying piece of human garbage who was only looking out for myself in my own selfish desires for love.

I hurt my greatest friend Void, they were the most amazing person to me out there. But I hurt them, because I was selfish. Because I was hungry for love, because I was bipolar and crazed. An unstable mess who only wanted to help myself and ignored the other people in my life. I read my messages to Roman I read my messages to Styx. Which actually I don’t regret what I said to Styx fuck you dude never will no guilt for you. But guilt for Roman, because I shamed him for something he had no control over.

Because I am, and always will be, an attention seeking bipolar whore.

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  glowy⠀

i’m so so sorry zimick, you aren’t an attention seeking whore at all. it’s completely valid to have your own boundaries. <3

2 months ago   Reply

  A not so masculine b1tch 😋...

I haven’t read the whole description, but like, honestly… it’s nice to feel loved, it’s amazing, to quote from Bo burnham “we all deserve love, even on the days when we aren’t are best, cuz we all suck, but love can make us suck less”.

It’s just well… idk what to say but maybe… well love yourself, idk lol 😭😭😭

2 months ago   Reply

  Brewer !! 『💛💙』

I genuinely get how this feels, in fact, I'm still kinda in this phase. I just hope you are eventually able to come to terms with all of this and somehow feel better. 💚
(Sorry if this response is ass I'm so bad at ts..)

2 months ago   Reply

  Mini muffin

Idrk what to say but I hope your ok?-

2 months ago   Reply

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