Alright look. I know how you feel, and I do get the feeling that you have right now. Though, you say you want to die, yet you keep living. Why? Because there are people who will cry and suffer without you in their lives, like me. I can’t lose you, and never want to. I’m going to say this, life isn’t perfect..we all know that I’m sure. You will have bad times in life, though at some point..you may not. The Shade thing doesn’t make sense to me either, because I was offline as well. I am just going to say this..life isn’t perfect..and you can’t expect it to be....I want you to be ok..and it’s not healthy to just bottle up your emotions inside of you and play it off. I want to be there to help you. You say you don’t deserve to have people by your side, but I can tell that would just make you feel worse..listen Righty..you have people who care, who will cry, who will hurt themselves for you. Don’t play it off..and just let it all out..ok..?