i dont know it just that anything i ever do seems to make him proud, or impressed ..
he was talking about school and how my grades have been kinda low, the he started assuming all these things like โim dumbโ or โim not trying hard enoughโ he then went on to comparing me to himself and how he was always at the top of his classes, and doesnโt understand why im not either. I almost broke down that exact moment.. so i went to the bathroom to try and compose myself.
i miss alex aready, i miss hugging them, i miss cuddling with them :( its so comforting, and i already miss it :((
also, when i think of my dad a lot of bad memories come to mind. how scary he sounds when he yells at me, in my daily life my friends are really loud, and sometimes it gives me ptsd and it scares me bad when they yell, argue, or scream. i have to cover my ears sometimes or tell my friend (the host of our zooms) to mute them or tell them to stop yelling