Blaming yourself is natural. The best way to deal with that is to do things that make you happy and get your mind off of it.

You are not a bad person Zimick. You were a great friend when I was starting (Not really starting starting just re going to the app) And I hope you find someone great in your life. You are not a stupid sack of shit. It's never your fault and you don't deserve any kind of hurt. I genuinely hope someone who is kind, great, and amazing will come into your life..