Dude, I'm sorry death is all you can think about. I hate it, too, and it sucks to think about it. I know you think about "Why does it even matter?" But you've gotta think about it differently. Yeah, death will come eventually.. so why not do everything you can? Even if it doesn't matter, why not do it anyway? Living in fear is not living at all, so make the most of it, man! I think you've come a long way already. You've accomplished so much! But you shouldn't stop there. I view it as, "If I go on about life accomplishing nothing at all, I'll feel worse in the end."
So don't give up, man. Do what you can, make the most of it!!! <:- )