Idk gwo to frame this without sounding like an asshole, but it sound like you have extreme anger issues
I get it cause I'm the same
Like if somone talked to me the way I sued to talk like
"Teheheheh <<<3<3<3<<3<3<3<3<3< ♡☆♡☆♡☆♡♡☆♡☆♡"
Uh I'd kill them:)
But yeah, we can work on it, you can work on it, I'm here to help:]