One time someone said to me and I still remember it, they said " go fail at helping someone else " and for me at that time it hurt but now from this I feel like I'm slowly going insane, like I'm lieing to myself, my own self just to stop myself from beating my head into the wall, I may seem normal but when you really think about it, I will never be ok, and I said something one time that I think it came true, I said " I would rather be sad judt so everyone is happy " and I think it came true, I try working on myself to get better but when I think about it, I feel if I'm a good but hurt and broken person who is putting on a smile so no one see the pain grow