i wanna go back but im scared of my dad

i miss the comfort in hearing alexs voice in the night, when we’re going to bed
now im stuck listening to songs that remind me of them while hugging the stuffed animal i named after alex

i dont know it just that anything i ever do seems to make him proud, or impressed ..
he was talking about school and how my grades have been kinda low, the he started assuming all these things like “im dumb” or “im not trying hard enough” he then went on to comparing me to himself and how he was always at the top of his classes, and doesn’t understand why im not either. I almost broke down that exact moment.. so i went to the bathroom to try and compose myself.
i miss alex aready, i miss hugging them, i miss cuddling with them :( its so comforting, and i already miss it :((
also, when i think of my dad a lot of bad memories come to mind. how scary he sounds when he yells at me, in my daily life my friends are really loud, and sometimes it gives me ptsd and it scares me bad when they yell, argue, or scream. i have to cover my ears sometimes or tell my friend (the host of our zooms) to mute them or tell them to stop yelling

matte- :(

not very pog :(

sometimes i dont even allow myself validate my feelings
i had to search up if it was okay to not be okay for reassurance

it happened out of nowhere so i freaked out

Jsut like if it were to happen, u know? Haha-

So umm

To like.. u know ‘date’ my e x 🗿

It’d be PRETTY WEIRD if u were to uh-

I wasnt spying at alll i was just check ur comments and uh-

Yea i saw
You- i- umm

Grr dont down every single one of ur achievements!! 😠

ver nice I applaud 👏

o k
what c o m f o r t ✨

Anyways whatchu need

Wait thats a song

Umm, chile....

Well dont, bc my room is kinda messy