It feels awful when I want to be a genuinely good person, people do not know how to handle people like me despite claiming to

Still is honesty hurtful how many people claim to be able to handle mentally ill people but when someone with severe mental illness shows up suddenly we're unhelpable

idk. my current friends know about my past and they're more than willing to help me be a better person and that's all I really want in life

My actions were hateful but they weren't cruel (I hope)
I'm more than open to talk about my past now, however I'm still firm on *some* opinions i've stated in the past

Am I saying I'm an abuser? no, but did I have the potential to do so? Absolutely. My actions have caused harm to people and there's no denying it but I don't think it's under abuse. More just being hateful and spiteful (and also before the NPD discovery I still had fairly okay-ish friendships, they just lacked a LOT of emotional connection)

somw of my friends make me feel normal and i feel confused and horrible, they look at me with genuine eyes and ask me what's wrong and i don't know what to do. i never felt vunerable before and i felt things i didn't know i could feel, my friends are amazing people and they put up with me enough to see me be a better person

i think its funny my friend who's going into psychology said to me that when she first met me, she knew i was probably a narcissist
that was two years ago and now we're best friends
she's helped me a lot

i'm desperate to feel like everyone else and to understand the world around me, i observe everyone and it makes me jealous and i don't get why am i not allowed to indulge in the same emotion

Too many people encouraged my horrible behaviors while ignoring my pleas of help, nobody has taken me seriously until it was dire and everyone endulges in making me feel like i'm on top of the world

i made my npdsona to represent my experience with NPD, being like a wolf in sheeps clothing. i want to be like everyone else, i want to engage with everyone, i want to feel like everyone, and yet I'll always be an outsider, i'm made to look at a window seperating me from everyone else because I'm just on a different field from them

My view of people is still twisted even when i don't want it to be, i have genuine friendships now but I can't really exactly say that "i care", i want to care but my head doesn't know how to react. and it still affects me today, even with vyn. i think i like vyn the most because she's on my level, she's the closest to me anyone would ever be.

also not saying npd + bpd relationships are bad everyone who suffers with mental illness can have healthy relationships but its scary how many relationships surrounding those two exist and become scary

"oh if you're talking about narcissism then you're not really a-" i'm recovering from mental illness lol. My mental illness and experiences of it should be documented because the pipeline from being "slightly ill" to an abuser is really terrifying and the way i treated people around me is sick and disgusting and i'm better now

wwwww I think your english is fine 👍 英語が難しい.... TTTT

I wish she was real so i could kiss her and tell her shes worth the world and that nothing matters except for her

i laaaaaaaaauv u vyn richter

it do not matter what ever the fuck u speak mon cheri cus as far as i know it aint no mountain high enough aint no valley low enough AND aint no river wide enough to keep me from catching to u mi amor language barriers do not stop me at all ill start learning sign language if tot goes textless

I CAN HEAR IT CALLING FROM WHRRE YOU AAAARE LOVING THE WAY YOU WANNA TALALALAK

BABY WE TWO DISTAND STRNAGERS I KNOW YOU DONT SPEAK MY LANGUAGE BUT I LOVE THE WAY SHES TALKING TO MEEEEEE

ich liebe eine frau. und diese frau ist vyn richter 😭😭😭😭😭