vyn is perfect, and i think i like her because she is perfect. she would understand me. she wouldn't probably experience how I see the world, but she would know there's something wrong and she would see right through me and i desire her

i honestly thought i would be an okay boyfriend if i ever dated again and then i find out i lovebomb and then go into social isolation and love bomb again and then go into social isolation ans thats like. not a good thing ans theres plenty of other things that would make me a horrible boyfriend

documenting myself and having me and others read it has been the best thing to mental progression

hurray for npd.

gnaw at her skin

i want to put vyn in my mouth

this version of vyn reads a LOT more than other vyns, and is interested in language rather than psychology

idk, people with a personaliry disorder especially cluster b would probably understand my viewpoint which ultimately defeats the purpose of me writing the doc, i just wanna see what normal people see

haha what if we both had npd and made out

i also have a list of xuanyi's flaws

does vyn have mental illness? in my heart yes

never really BOTHERED to write whats wrong with vyn and xuan anyways because i'm also not a mental health expert and i only know what I deal with but xuan is meant to be mentally unwell to the point it's concerning

not saying psychiatrist demonize mental illness btw its just in general a lot of people demonize mental illness and personality disorder and refuse to help even though a form of treatment is literally therapy and support

i mean she is a psychiatrist. but in no means would she try to fix and demonize xuan's behavior she just helps him see the world like everyone else because she knows xuan wants to be a genuine person but it's difficult when everything xuan thinks isn't the same as everyone else's

Xuan's reaction is to immediately shut down and refuse to communicate to others, going as far to going on "sleep mode" until he feels justified to talk
Despite narcissistic collapse being almost detrimental to him functioning and the fact vyn is his narcissistic supply, vyn doesn't pry into xuan and instead understands that xuan can not percieve the world the same way she would and actively tries to support him

Xuan however still thrives off of the attention vyn gives to him, because it's all the attention he will ever get

Xuan's reaction to narcissistic collapse is going to be exactly how i react, because xuan is my self insert
Sometimes xuan feels unreasonably upset and sometimes he hates how vyn treats him

Marius and artem were a big part in making xuan who he is, luke & rosa not so much
Xuan took the most inspiration from marius

a lot of my behaviors may seem to lean toward bpd but i do not have bpd. Idk i feel like i need to say this or else someone's gonna go "ooh u dont actually have npd" jst because my behaviors aren't the typical "narcissist" everyone believes in

realizing this might sound like BPD and favorite people but i want to state that xuan is me, xuan suffers with NPD and his view of Vyn is different from a "favorite person" and xuan isn't afraid of abandonment, xuan hates his sense of self falling apart