smiles and cries i have ptsd and npd and more i am not living the good life bruh

im going to hell for looking at npd stuff on tumblr but i really need. reassurance because i'm spiralling badly and im thinking about dying again

ngl i was wondering for a while if. people with npd have a term like bpd people like fp and they said chosen person/cp is a term that can be used so. um. vyn is my chosen person

dress up game

[cant tell if i genuinely can not handle people reciprocating my feelings or if i have commitment issues] my guy you have npd

maybe it is, i miss vyn and it's been a week. i miss her and im going to lose myself and i dont know what to do without her.

ugh. is my current mindset because my narc supply is gone momentarily. it would be funny if it was. because im really thinking about killing myself

chosen person

["i'm just pretending to be their friend" how did you live with yourself having a crush on them while actively trying to harm them.] you had a "crush" on her because she was your "narcissistic supply"

the worst part is that I know I dont hate myself for my thoughts, those were my true thoughts and I don't think I'm wrong. I just didn;t like how I handled it but those words are my words even if it looks like a different person's voice

i am just a individual with comorbid illnesses

i hate looking back on my old texts and i hate seeing how deluded i would be when I'm distressed

"mental health awareness" "i understand mentally ill people" "mental heath matters" did it matter to you when i was clearly delusional. i never said i would kill myself but when I was in a delusion induced state nobody seemed to care and some said I was a faker. why is it hard for anyone to believe that I suffer from mental illness

I don't get it, what did I ever do to go down this path. i had opportunities to reveal that NPD and my other illnesses ruin my life and yet nobody thought about it. I was just a child who didn;t want to change to them. I was a kid who was just "troubled" and it was my fault and i shouldn't possibly be thinking about killing myself because there is nothing in my life that could make me want to do it. I'm a faker, everyone thinks so but why is it that everytime I try to plan my suicide i'm suddenly a poor student ridden by mental illness. why does nobody think anything is wrong until i try to kill myself

the thoughts get stronger but I don;t want to die and it's the worst part. I'm distressed

so many things to do but i feel like its pointless and nothing i do will change

i don;t feel good. i dont feel happy. idk. anymore I feel drained and i want to just give up

latina vyn.

god have mercy on my soul but she is so BAAAAAD and i want every piece of her. Let me. Rock her world. I am 5 ft smth but my bills all paid LET ME IIIIIN

she has sculpted arms vyn twink death is real but she buffed up like san ateez she used to look so twinky and had less defined muscles until now i bite her arms because they're MASSIVE!!!! AND HER HAIR IS TUCKED IN IN THAT CARD UGHGHGH FUCK i want to kiss her badly