it's embarrassing to admit this but it's incredibly difficult for me to feel comfortable at all with ANYONE liking most of my interests and it takes a lot in me to even interact with other fans. I would feel genuine dread interacting with TOT fans especially (but now I feel okay-ish, but still extremely possesive over vyn)
"I should threaten my life" "I should make someone become attached to me and I love-bomb them and then when I'm bored I'll stop communicating them" "Wouldn't it be great for someone to love me and I don't love them back?" I smile, and then throw up rereading/looking over my past messages and thoughts when I'm not deluded