I think I'm a bad person
I've been happy and feeling like a normal person now and now I feel like me being happy has the opist effect, I feel like me being happy ruins his life cause I know it dose and it's all my fault, I'm so selfish for healing I shouldn't be happy in the first place I'm a self slut, I swear to god I'm so stupid I bet if anyone asked me "Oh your so happy! Did you finally drop it?" No! I never dropped it! I was groomed I have relationship issues I'm a kiss ass, I crave love but I'm scared to seek it, I'm scared of being hurt again I'm scared of somone holding a gun to there head and saying they'll shoot themself if I don't show them my body, do you know the things I had to so that guy wouldn't fucking shoot his brains out?! I had to touch myself in ways I never would and I know it's all my fault I went with it, it never felt good I felt dirty and it's my fault mabey I should of liked it mabey I should of never left him cause that's the fucking life I deserve I'm a selfish slut who shouldn't even be here healing I'm a monster, I'm ruining romans life just by living I want to die but I already tried before and Roman was terrible, he was so sad I can't bring myself to leave him, I love him I really do but I don't think he loves me the way I do I don't think he feels the kind of love I feel for him, I think I'm just a friend a fucking buddy online who will probably never even matter in the long run, and I know it, and I haven't really accepted it but I can try, I know say by day every time I flirt every time I even dare say somthing barely nice, I die inside a little, cause I fucking know I'm stupid and in probably a month he'll forget me cause I'm a nobody.
1 years ago 37 views 1 frames
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