sensory overload

i had no cooking partner and assistant students refused to help me since im a outcast

i had to cut chicken and thats all i had to do
i watched as people cut the chicken breast, then i stood there

why couldn't i move
it felt like something was grabbing my wrist

i couldn't move my hand once i picked up the knife

i graped the knife in my hand, staring down at the raw piece of chicken, for a good couple minutes
i just stoof there
frozen
i was starting to shake
i stared at my knife as thoughts rushed quickly through my head
i stood there, trembling and unable to move
i darted my eyes around to see so much happening, students cooking, talking yelling over others, blenders screaming inti the tight space as people yell over the loud noises of the food processors

"cut it, cut the fucking chicken"

i tried adjusting the raw meat, as the cold slime touched my fingertips i jolted back
shaking as i felt helpless, i felt a hand grasp my shoulder and it startled me, almost attacking with the knife

it was my culinary teacher
he asked me if i was ok
i couldn't respond, as i was in a state of paralysis
i was scared but i didn't know why
the knife felt different in my hands
the thoughts and urges hard to resist

after a moment of processing i shook my head, the only way i could communicate
i was stuttering band mumbling, trying to speak as tears well up in the corner of my eyes, as my vision blurred
i could just feel everybody watching me as i struggled

i slowly took my gloves off, and threw them away, as i slowly stumbled out of the kitchen to my desk and sat down

i zoned out, trying to distract myself

[dleted restnso there wouldn't be discomfortza]

  Marcus

andy mouse

im not trying to, i just overthink about it, and am younger. so i still have moree things to learn.

actually, the mote i think about it, probably may be withdrawals, or like lack of sleep?(my gf told me its bc of my slep schedule several times) also bc i get so overwhelmed easily, on no sleep its probably making me just more on edge than usual? I understand how you feel abt it and I'll do better and try getting a diagnosis before assuming, thanks for telling me my mistake, I'll grow off of it

1 hours ago   Reply

  andy mouse

trying to be like understanding but are you really schizophrenic?? as someone whos diagnosed and violently struggles to deal with it i dont appreciate something i go through being used as a silly little trait especially if youre self diagnosing lol if you think somethings wrong with your brain please go see a doctor before making it your entire personality

11 hours ago   Reply (1)

  rsraic8

Intrusive thoughts, most surely

11 hours ago   Reply

  +×~Versity~×+

Marcus

Trauma can effect everyone in different ways. Aswell as in different times. Considering the fact that yk you have been through some stuff to do with knives. It could have been a case of PTSD, but the thing i want to remind you of is that im always here to talk to if anything happens and i will be here to give advice.

12 hours ago   Reply

  Marcus

Eggzo Animates

i was

12 hours ago   Reply

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