checking up on a app I have not been on for a momth or 2 holy

this post is a jumpscare.

gonna try and sleep.. but one last rant or smrb.. is there a certain reason I'm like this? or is there a more detailed reason to why I'm here, like why was I given this life specifically.????? why this one! I don't believe our life was meant to be like this. Im apart of the left wing libertarian side little closer to the middle but I don't believe the fact we are here trying to earn a concept we made bc of greed. like why are humans naturally selfish. I don't understand why people are raised that way or not, like if I was apart of a different family, things would be a whole lot different. im actually gonna sleep I'm gonna throw myself into a pool and not swim up.

I didn't know that comments weren't allowed to be more than 1000 charaters tf.. been rambling tol much.. if there's a person reading my comments I'll give you a penny.

not even that I want someone to come and love me to bits without caring for the flaws I have. too many flaws.. I half asleep and i don't know what I'm typin!!!!!!!! I want a relationship. but then again I don't.. bc I won't be able to return the same amount of love they'll give me, and to constantly try and put up with someone may be tiring to focus with studying as well is not a great idea.. however, being in a relationship means dates and stuff and I wnat to experience that! I want to fall in love, but the concept of live is a weird thing.. is it admiration or appreciation? or the way they look? or is it the idea of them? I don't know.may be cooked. LDRs aren't the best are they? tho it'll be sweet sending msgs and waking up to a message if they're from a different time zone, but then you won't habe time to call and stuf due to different schedules and matters on hand.. ARGHHHHHFHFJJE