oh shit this is insanely similar to what's going on with me. I hope you can get better soon and kick out of it!

I mean yeah my family has problems
I do have a therapist tho i dont see him that much
Ill probably see him soon
Thanks :)

I don't understand fully in all honesty but you clearly have a lot going on. Your family clearly has a running phyc disorder and even if you don't regret it and "want" to do it your very obviously upset and by it. I genuinely hope you get therapy at some point and some help with that stuff from a professional. Break the cycle :) (of course ei won't judge you, I can't understand wanting to do those things but I understand and sympasise with everything else and I fully believe your a good person)

(I was doing school sorry I didn't respond sooner gimme a sec to read)

I spent 15 minutes writing that bro.