i'm not in a very good mood lately (vent)

i have so much work to catch up and it stresses me out.
not the kinda stress that gives me adrenaline, but instead the kinda stress which completely paralyzes me ; idk where to start, i just wanna give up on all of it

and also i'm just reminiscing bad memories over and over again, they never go away... it's always the most damn minor things that run in my head for the rest of my life... in fact, it's everytime someone has scolded me. to them the event is already forgotten but to me it feels like i hear their scoldings again and again, all together, all the time, since years. and they get more and more distorded. i'm trying to act all cool & chill but in reality i just wanna burst out, i want to scream at all these voices to shut up and let me love what i do

they're connected because of one case at my school... i hate 3d and my 3d teacher, and he doesn't really like me either (it's the same one who yelled at me for asking a question...). but i'm so stressed by academic failure that i don't want to dissapoint ANY of my teachers... when i shouldn't pay more effort than they do to us. my brain just won't GRASP the fact that this time, i don't go to art school to please my teachers, but to learn new skills for MYSELF. i'm known to be selfish but apparently not in this case, i'm still a nervous wreck