You dont really need to be sorry for letting out what youve been holding back on, Its very good that you let it out rather than keeping it hidden and let it further damage you, Also note that, Everyday a person suffers, But a person also Joyous, Each day will be different to each person, That joyous person may realize something that may cause him to suffer or experience something to suffer, But the suffering person can realize or experience something that may change them to Slightly better but not literally joyous, Can be happy for a person or can be Absolutely detrimentally terrible and having thoughts of suicide on their mind always..

You may tell us more as were here to help. Sorry for the late reply.. I just yeah.