i just want to end it here but so scared. the last time i tried, it backfired because i was stupid enough that a student in my school saw me cut myself then i was grounded and not allowed to touch knifes and anything thats self harming. but now im so afraid of death and i dont know why. that person i trust, i dont want to ever leave him but i want to go so badly. i want this pain to stop. i want my life to be happier. i just want that one wish granted for fucks sakes.

i dont even remember how feeling happy feels like. i wanna hug, or just cry on someones shoulder and let them tell me nice things, telling me im doing everything right and giving me attention, love, respect. thats a silly thought because im just a dumb fuck. thats what ive been told. if i was just made for this stupid shit, then why would people tell me not to hang myself? why do they suddenly care when i want to kill myself so badly? that confuses me. whats the point of even trying to stay happy. whats the point if i try to make someone else happy and then get thrown away like garbage. im feeling so stressed right now, the only thing that makes me feel better is just harming myself because thats what people want me to do.

god i hope nobody sees this but i wanna let my feelings out on here,,, i want to fucking die, i have been asking help from my friend to make me defeat this fucking war with depression but i cant because he doesnt give a single fuck. it seems im the only one who should help people and i dont get any help back. hes the only one i trust with my entire heart, hes slowly breaking me and doesnt realise it. all of the shit im in rn, being sexualized, harrassed, told to kill myself, being called names and slurs, my family falling apart, and dont have self happiness, i promised myself that i would make it and gain self love, but i lied.

Uwu💖💖💖💖💖

✨w✨