At the time, I would definitely take suffering for an unlimited time, than not exist at all, fully knowing what hell is. Also it's weird, part of me believes in God, and part of me knows there is a unknown chance however small or big that God doesn't exist. At at the time the chance of no longer existing more than terrified me. I didn't overcome the fear or anything like that, it just went for milk and never came back. I still pray to God, and be it the act of praying or God himself helping me, it still helps me through life. Thanks for the love